Another day, another story. Eh Tumblr? This one is about Rapunzel. A fair maiden locked away in a tower, hidden from ever finding true love. Sad, huh? Well not too bad. See, Rapunzel was born outside of a Denny’s. And through some fairy tale magic that reason and logic could never explain, she was given long, beautiful bacon hair. So, this prince guy was riding by her prison tower one day, when he saw Rapunzel. So he was all, “You’re hawt, why are you locked in that tower?”
“Because of this evil woman that was jealous of my face.” Rapunzel yelled down.
“Alright,” he replied, “Let down your hair and I’ll climb it, because that makes sense and won’t hurt or inconvenience you in any way.” So Rapunzel, without taking into consideration the hundreds of thousands of nerve endings and pain receptors in the human head, let down her long bacon hair so the prince could climb up. But he didn’t. Because there was too much delicious bacon to eat. And enjoying crispy bacon is much more important than relying on a relationship in order to find happiness and validate your existence. The End.